The Inability to Break Free

To someone who doesn’t know what depression is like, I think of it like a strait jacket. Its weight and inability to break free from it everywhere you go, all of the time. It is a powerful force that can feel impossible to fight because it is so strong.

I have only lived with depression for around a year now, but I have lived with anxiety my whole life (21 years), and although I feel I know a lot about the two diseases, I still feel it’s my fault I have them. I think this is because recovery from depression often rests on the individual. I mean…we know that exercise, eating the right foods, taking medication and going to therapy can help you feel better from depression. However, the therapists and support friends and family can help you with these things, but they can’t do them for you. No one can make you eat your greens, make you jog, or force the words out of your mouth during therapy.

Most people don’t understand how hard it is to live with depression, I read a post the other day were they viewed it as ‘selfish’. They believed we should all be grateful for the life we live and the good things surrounding our life…but it just doesn’t work like that when you suffer from depression. Even the people who know me best often get frustrated or confused when I struggle, because I’m not as engaged with their life as the average person. Sometimes I can’t hang out, I can’t “just get a job” or enjoy myself in a nightclub because I’m trapped in the dark side of my own mind.

Sometimes I think people are surprised that I have a blog and talk about my depression and anxiety because they see me a capable and confident. They just can’t imagine why I’d feel so bad, how counter-productive! But depression is so complicated, it infiltrates every moment and everything in your life. I can’t explain it any better than that.

Sometimes I think it is the very worst disease anyone can live with. Even cancer is recognised by others. Doctors can see it, target it, and fight it for/with you. There are treatments, charities, whole entire stores you can visit to buy a wheelchair or a special bra. I feel like depression kills people just like any other visible diseases do, yet newspapers won’t talk about someone’s death by suicide, unless it’s a celebrity, and people won’t get penalised or scrutinised when they write a blog about how depression is ‘selfish’.

I’m just so frustrated sometimes with depression and the lack of fight I’m offered. The only thing I can do is try to describe it so other people will understand depression a little better. Please share this post and comment your description(s). It’s not a perfect post, it’s a depressive post, but it’s real. Let’s try and spread the word as I guarantee that it is affecting someone you know, every minute of every day. It’s a jacket we can’t take off, and we’re drowning from it.


13 thoughts on “The Inability to Break Free

      1. You will 🙂 you have your whole life ahead of you. Take it one day at a time, slowly, at your pace. You will be there before you know it! The days are long but the years are fast x


      2. Thanks! Good job I spend a lot of time writing then! I remember who I was when I was 21 and so much has happened since then, so much has changed. I hope you get to the stage where one day you look back on all this and think ‘wow, I’ve come so far’


  1. I think you did a great job describing how depression feels. All of this rings very true, and it’s amazing that you are able to express it in such a relatable way! Sometimes all we can do is exactly what you said, try to describe it, hope people listen enough to understand it a little better, and know that you aren’t alone in that battle.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s